My so-called Life

Funny

2006-07-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

My dad and I were on the phone today and he was driving and saw:

A guy with a cast on his leg on a motorcycle with the crutches packed on his bike.

Just thought it was funny.

I'm back bitches!!!

2006-07-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

I have neglected my little blog, I know. Here is what we did in Costa Rica

My family and I just got back from Costa Rica. It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. Here is some of our adventures...

Day 1: Sunday - We flew from San Francisco to Dallas. In Dallas we were only supposed to have a 2 hour lay over and leave at 4 pm. At about 3 pm an employee of American Airlines comes on the loud speaker and in a little Texan accent says, " Attention all Flight 2166 passengers, your flight it going to be delayed as as a mail truck has hit the airplane and put a hole in the engine. Your flight will be delayed till 9 pm.. " She apologied for the inconvenience. WHAT??!!! How does a mail truck hit a grounded airplane on the tarmac? We board the plane at 9pm.

Day 2- We arrive in San Jose about 12:30am. We get to our hotel about 1am. Our driver Stuart is the scariest driver on earth! Anyway we fall asleep and have to wake up a 5 am to get ready for the driver to come pick us up for our full day rafting trip. On the Pacuare River we encountered class two and three rapids. We rafted to a Jungle Lodge that you can only get to by raft. We took a "short 10 min walk" that turned out to be a 45 minute hike uphill thru mud. Yikes. But we ended up at a beautiful swimming hole. We came back down and had a yummy dinner and some Guaro (sugar cane liquor).

Day 3- After breakfast (like 6am) we took a 15 minute hike to the zipline. It was one of scariest and funnest things I have done. It very much emphazied the crotches of our guides. Yummy. We took off for class 3 and 4 rapids. It was sooo fun.. I was so proud of us since none of us fell out of the raft. Well my sister's boyfriend fell out in a class 1 rapid right after a class 4. We were dropped off at a country club hotel in Limon after rafting. We swam, had dinner and drinks...We ordered a picture of margaritas and got a confused look and then got a half filled picture of margarita mix, triple sec and 5 shots of tequila. Ewwww.

Day 4- Went to Tortuguero National Park and kayaked on the Colorado River. I hate kayaking now. My sister and I decided on tandum kayaking and with the river level so high flew down the river and had a hard time keeping control of the kayak. I have scratches on my arm from where we met some branches. We stopped for lunch in the middle of the jungle and 2 little stray dogs showed up and we fed them our leftovers. The male was sooo skinny but was quite ballicious. Got to our Hotel. The river on one side and the Caribbean Ocean on the other. The Ocean was too dangerous to go in. The hotel has is own Frog sanctuary. We also saw 3 foot Iguanas, Jesus Christ lizards, and huge grasshoppers.

Day 5- We got up a 5 am and took a boat tour around the national park. We saw monkeys, river turtles, river otters, tons of birds, slothes, more iguanas.. We then went for the 2nd day of kayaking where I kayaked in my own boat. We were going upstream and I hit a current that put me into some branches and put my about 40 feet from a cayman. I paddled away just to hit another current that flipped my kakyak. The guide led me to the shore and we pulled the kayak up and dumped out the water, which led to a branch breaking and termites falling on us and in my boat. Apparently the monkeys across the way were interested in us and come across the river to check out what we were doing. Scary... We kayaked some more and then floated back down the river to the boat (my favorite part).

We were then taken to our lodge by Volcano Arenal. We got changed and took a bus to Tabacon Spa. We enjoyed the natural hot springs and some walking around. At dinner the volcano started spewing rocks and lava and we could see it from our table. It was sooo cool.. We got back to our hotel and from the hot tub we could see Arenal's show.

Day 6- We got up real early to go caving. We got there and about 10 steps into the cave came across a huge spider, a taranchula, and a crab. Then we went spelunking and climbing up limestone walls. It was soo fun. Although I slipped a little on the wall and have a huge bruise on my arm.

The back to the hotel and more swimming and volcano watching. Our pool had a swim up bar.

Day 7- More swimming.. We then get picked up to go back to San Jose. It started raining. Then the roads start overflowing with water. Then the freeways start overflowing with water and ambulances started having to rescue cars from the roads. The water was up to the bumper on the small sedans. Turns out it was a small tropical storm.

Day 8- Saddest Day- We go to the airport and pick up souveniers. Then we fly home. About 30 minute delay in Dallas.

Costa Rica

2006-06-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

1 month till Costa Rica baby!!!! yeah!!

Pet Insurance

2006-06-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

When I got my dog two years ago, my folks gave me 3 months of heart worm preventer for her. I havent got the prescrition refilled. I finally got it refilled today and instead of being a $35 rx it cost me $150. That was for an exam, testing for heart worm, the prescription, and 2 vaccines that were out of date. But now I know my little dog is healthy. They were concerned because she is 4 lbs overweight. Oh well. I also need to start brushing her teeth, she loves her beef flavored tooth paste.

She pooped on the floor at the vet before we left. I laughed!

Happy Birthday to Me.

2006-05-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To Me!!!!

Practice Makes Perfect

2006-05-11T19:49:00.001-07:00

Practice Makes Perfect

2006-05-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

The Sun

2006-05-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

It is finally nice here. The sun is out and guess what? I forgot I am white. Last weekend I was out in the sun for 20 minutes with no sun screen. Uber burn the next day. This weekend I was out in my backyard reading and pulling weeds. And yesterday I went out to Sparks for some Cinco de Mayo celebrations. I am so burned today I can barely walk or sit or wear clothes. Maybe I should learn after 28 years that I have 2 colors, white and red. White doesnt hurt.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-05-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

All I can say is yikes. The sex scene between Heath and Jake was hot. Wait I mean how gross.

The whole movie showed me that gay or straight all relationships can suck! He he...

MI3

2006-05-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

Went and saw Mission Impossible 3. Action was good. But Tom Cruise cant act well enough for his off screen craziness to be forgotten. His expression while running (which he did throughout the whole movie) was hilarious. I had to hold my back when he ran as he looked sooo... intense...

Overall I would give it a B.

My baby sister

2006-04-24T19:38:00.000-07:00

Now, although my baby sister is almost 18 and 4 inches taller than me, I still think of her as 4 years old. Well my little baby sister has finally decided on a college. She is going to UC Davis in the fall. Congrats to my little girl!!!!

Housekeeper

2006-04-24T19:36:00.000-07:00

Good Luck to housekeeper on her c-section today!

Best Lawsuit Ever

2006-04-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

There was a story on the radio about how a woman sued her husband because he has sex with her in her sleep because she is such a deep sleeper. That is awesome!

Rats in my kitchen

2006-04-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Story 1: My sister and her boyfriend moved from a 2 bedroom duplex into a 1 bedroom apartment in San Fran a couple of months ago. I inherited a black leather recliner from this move. It has been sitting in my garage for the last 6 weeks or so.

Story 2: There is construction in my neighborhood that has displaced the mice in the field next to my house. They really like my garage. I have found at least 6 of them in the last several months.

This is where story 1 and 2 collide. I came home one day last week and noticed that there was mouse crap underneath the leather chair in the garage. I moved the chair to sweep up the crap and 2 mice ran into other parts of the garage. I was forced to clean out my entire garage. Mind you, my dad and I did this about 2 months prior due to the mice being there at that point. Anyway, I shook out one of the folded chairs and set it on the ground and stepped on it to make sure there were no mice in it. I opened the chair and there was a dead one in it. Yuck! I chased the other one out of the garage.

My dad came up here and found 2 more in the chair while I was at work. He vacuumed it out and put it in the house so the mice couldn't get in it anymore. OR SO HE THOUGHT!

Well, I woke up Saturday morning and a mouse was scurrying along the floor in my bedroom. After a battle with the shopvac it wasn't in my bedroom anymore. Same with the one I found in my kitchen and same for the one I found in the chair. Same for the 2nd one I found in my bedroom about an hour later. Same for the nest I found in the chair.

So there were at least 5 mice in that chair that my dad and sister inspected before bringing it the house. I still cant walk around barefoot.

You know that your ass is fat when...

2006-03-20T18:56:00.000-08:00

you are running on the treadmill and all that hurts is your ass. At least I can run on the treadmill I guess.

My new calling: Stripper!

2006-03-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

Well I guess it is not so much my new calling but it was quite a workout. Jeanny, Anna, Stacey, and I went to an pole dancing class last night. It was so much fun. It really gave me a new appreciation for what strippers do. I am so sore today.

We got to spin around the pole, show off our goodies, and work on our abs. The best thing was it didnt feel like a workout. I would recommend it to any girl looking for a way to spice up her workout routine.

Welcome to the World

2006-03-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say congrats to the new parents Maggie and Shane. Indiana Ivy was born this morning. Hooray!!!!!

Corpse Bride

2006-03-05T13:33:00.000-08:00

Last night I saw Corpse Bride. The movie made us all sad and my friend Jimmy fell asleep. The best part of the movie was when the corpse bride gave Johnny Depp a wedding present and it was his childhood dog Scraps. It was sooo cute. Ahhh little dogs!

The saga of my ex and I continues...

2006-03-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

Even though we broke up over 6 months ago and have seen each other twice since then-once to give me back my house key and the other to bring me lunch and the new Kanye West CD "since he was in the neighborhood".. he continues to call me fairly often. Now, I am not to bothered by that. I still like him as a person and we have a history, he just doesn't make a good boyfriend.

A week ago he called me to tell me that his ex is getting engage to her boyfriend of the last couple of years. And that her mom called and told him that she hasn't changed her last name from his in the hope that they would get back together. What? I feel real bad for her boyfriend.. She is totally confused. Oh well not my problem anymore. I just think it is funny.

In this conversation he asked if I was seeing anyone, I told him I wasn't but that I had been. He wanted to know if we had been intimate. For some reason talking about my love life with my ex-boyfriend didn't seem right. He wants to know all these personal things it and doesn't understand why I wont share.

Now he wants to get me pregnant since all the new inmates at his work at mixed. They are light skinned with green eyes, which I guess is how he pictures our kids... Ummm. pretty sure that I am missing the one component of this to get pregnant.. I desire to have sex with him.

I keep telling him that he needs to get back with his ex-wife since they both are crazy.

To David

2006-03-05T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am glad that you were not hurt after totaling your WRX.

I am getting old

2006-03-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

For the last several months I have felt increasingly old.. No particular reason.. maybe since I only have 1 more birthday before I turn 30. I guess I have just been thinking a lot about getting older.. I am single and have no kids. All my friends are married and are starting to have families. While there is a part of me that is envious of that, there is also a part of me that is totally fine with my life. With getting to sleep in on the weekends and not having to discuss the decisions I make with anyone but my bank account. Everyone at work is at least 10 years older than me so I still get to feel young there.

Anyway, last Tuesday I was on my way over to my friends' house to watch Gilmore Girls and Supernatural. My contribution is Smirnoff Watermelon drinks. I stopped off at the Winner's Corner gas station by their house to pick up the beverages. I got out of my car and was walking into the store when a guy in the passenger seat of a car parked about 4 spots over screamed out " Hey, gurl... what is going on?" I told him, " not much" and walked into the store. When I came out of the store, the car was gone. I got in my car and was about to start it when I looked up and the guy was walking toward my car. I rolled my window halfway down and asked him " how much, baby?". Just kidding. I asked him, "Can I help you?". He asked me if I was married? When I answered No, he asked if I was in a relationship.. I told him that I was... yeah right... anyway, he was just wanting to tell my how attractive I was and that he is into OLDER women!!!! Older women. To that I asked him what made him think I was older than him.. And to that he responded I had a mature walk... WTF!!! Anyway, I guess it is still nice that even though I am no longer asked for my ID, that I am still attractive to 25 year olds, while being sweaty and having my hair in a ponytail having just left the gym.

My cute dog

2006-01-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

Christmas

2006-01-04T19:54:00.001-08:00

I went to my folks house for xmas. It rained the whole time but we got to go to the ocean and the rivers and see all the crazy water. It is now is super flood mode and making it on the National News. I got a new bed, new printer, clothes, and jewelry. My family makes me spoiled.

Christmas

2006-01-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

Work Party

2006-01-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

Every year we have a xmas party at work that is at a nice golf course in Sparks. This year was the funnest so far. (out of the 4 I have gone to). We get to dress up all fancy . I wore my Cinnamon Princess Bridesmaid Dress. My friend's husband is about 5'1 and loves boobies, so with this dress he had quite a lovely view of my girls. He is hilarious and kept pretending to rub his face in them.

There was a DJ and good food.. Overall is was a 9. It was not a 10 becuase it was on a Monday night. This year it is on like Kong with a DJ and with a Saturday Night.

Sisters House

2006-01-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

So I have been a hobo blogger... Sorry. Well since the last time I wrote there has been xmas parties and xmas and new years. I have lots of stories that only I care about but enjoy them anyway.

My sister has an x-mas party at her house the weekend before xmas since she was going to her boyfriend's parents house for x-mas. It was the 1st xmas that we havent all been together. Anyway, he party was lovely. We exchanged gifts and had a yummy dinner. I was told to bring a bottle of champangne. I ended up drinking the whole thing since it was ASTI and no one else likes it since it is so sweet.

We watched Zoolander and Napoleon Dynamite. We are such goobers. OBEY MY DOG!

My new Car

2006-01-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

I finally, after living in Reno for 10 years, got a 4 x 4 vehicle. It is a Jeep Liberty. It is so cute and useful. I got to take it to Truckee and play in the snow. I got to drive to work on ice and feel safe.

Maggie's baby

2005-12-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

My friend Maggie is pregnant. Her daughter was fiesty and kicking at us.... It was pretty cool.

Xmas Party

2005-12-12T18:55:00.000-08:00

I hosted my first x-mas party at my house on Saturday. It turned out very well. We had a white elephant party. I ended up getting a used porno tape (Tons o' cum #15) and a used cell phone. Thanks Arvin!

Nine Inch Nails

2005-12-12T18:48:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago my dad called and was very excited that Nine Inch Nails was coming to the Hilton. He asked me to go with him... So Thursday night we went. It was in the Hilton Theater.I had never been there before. it was very cool. Instead of rows of seats it has tables and booths. We got there early so got pretty good seats. However, as my luck goes, these shmucks sat behind us and were screaming the whole time. Well half way thru the concert the dad got arrested. He was shirtless in the mosh pit so who knows what he was doing to get arrested.

Anyway, the concert was pretty good. My favorite song, CLoser, was only about a minute of the concert...

Overall is was a B concert.

My wedding

2005-12-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

My ex boyfriend of 3 months called me today to tell me that he had a dream about me. He and my dad got into it at our wedding reception and then he got mad at me for talking to my dad about our relationship. Apparently that should all be private. Even though I talk to my folks every single day...

What a wonderful dream. I guess he was trying to talk to me about his feelings but he is under a false illusion that we would ever get married.

My fun day!

Face Transplant

2005-12-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

So I have a few thoughts on the whole face transplant thing.. The lady that received it was not mauled by her dog. She had tried to kill herself and her dog tried to revive her. I dont think that she should be someone who should be pitied. Hopefully they didnt put her dog down..

The donor face parts was a completed suicide by hanging.

Really what kind of world do we live in when 2 suicides are so glorified.

Secret Santa

2005-12-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

So my office of 40 people is doing secret santa. The designated lady went around and we all drew names for who to buy a gift for. Usally we write a short list of things we are interested in or things we want. Not this year.

So this week an email went out that due to the number of comments and emails that this lady heard about not liking the person that drew you or knowing what they got you or are going to get youand you dont like this stuff, this lady suggested posting a list that you could write a few things you want.

Great!!

How ridiculous do you need to be to be so petty that you wont appreciated whatever gift you get. If you are a lame gift giver,dont participate.

3 months

2005-12-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

To celebrate my three month anniversary of abstinence I am going off the pill. WIsh me luck.

Thanksgiving

2005-12-02T19:17:00.000-08:00

My family came up for thanksgiving. It was nice to have a full house. We cooked, played drinking card games, BBQed turkey, and drove in the snow.

My dad's 60th birthday was that weekend,. We got my folks a room at the Fantasy Inn in South Lake as a surprise. My mom said it was a beatiful room except for the floor to ceiling mirrors, that almost made you forget that 2/3s of the 323 square foot room was the tile shower with dual shower heads and the heart-shaped jacuzzi.

My parents bought me a big ass Bar-B-Q for Thanksgiving. I may set my house on fire with it. Oh well. Blaze of glory baby!!!

Harry Potter

2005-12-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Saw Harry Potter- It was good. Maybe the best one yet. The underwater seen was pretty cool..

Dog licking

2005-12-02T19:14:00.000-08:00

As I am typing this my crazy dog is licking my mirrored closet door.

Ski Movie part 2

2005-12-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

So the ski movie wasnt too bad. It was actually kind of fun. After that we went to the Chocolate Bar where they have nothing but Chocolate drinks I had a chocolate rasberry martini..it was good. The chaitini was good too.

Ski Movie

2005-11-19T14:17:00.000-08:00

So tonight I am going to see some ski movie that is at the same venue at Dave Chappelle. I think it will be a little different than my exprience last night..
It should be fun since my friends will be there but I dont know.. I not to much into skiing.

Details on that to follow.

I'm rich, bitch!

2005-11-19T14:09:00.000-08:00

I went and saw Dave Chappelle last night. He is so funny. Everything was going fine until this girl with really big boobs (not me), went up to the stage and caught him off guard. He just stopped in mid sentence and was like "those are the biggest titties I have ever seen". Well the whole thing went downhill from there. He was still funny but really thrown off by Reno people and our crystal meth ways. He thought he was someplace in Northern California. Also there was so much MaryJane in the air, we left very hungry.

Overall it was a good show.

Thanks Claudia

2005-11-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

Thank you Cla-Cla for the post card from Hawaiian Honeymoon about your ruined hymen and humping marathon!!

11 weeks and going strong

2005-11-17T18:26:00.000-08:00

I have been single for 11 weeks now!!!!!!!No set backs or moments of weakness.

Yeah me!

Sorry Jesse

2005-11-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

Apparently I was dancing with my friends 10 year old nephew. He was alone on the dance floor and I joined him. I guess it caused commotion. It looked like I was freaking on him. Ummm yuck. he is a little old for me. He he..

Ex Stripper Hair Dressers

2005-11-17T18:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been so long.. One of my best friends got married at the beginning of November. I was in her wedding. She was kind enough to take us to get our hair done for the wedding. We went to this huge salon in Henderson... They sold rabbit fur purses there for like $80 bucks if that gives you a clue to the type of place it was. Anyway, my hair stylist was Sheniqua or something like that.. She was whiter than me and I am swedish and english.

Everything starts ok.. she blow dries my hair and then it goes all downhill.

She tells me that any kind of updo is going to look like 2 different sets of hair since I am letting my highlights grow out. (Shut up I am not paying you to talk!)

Then she sprays all this crap in my hair and it flaked. She said it was my scalp and that I should "invest" in a $5 brush and brush my hair before I wash it to prevent flaking. (It never flaked before you put 5 lbs of hair spray in it!)

The worst was that the bride wasnt too fond of the updo she did... Well the lady ran away for her next client. Nice!!!

Thankfully my lovely friends were there to help me fix it. Thanks Diana and Jeanny and Allison.

Oh yes, she asked where I lived. When I told her she said that she had lived there for 6 months and was a "Dancer". I asked her if she still did that and she claims that since she now had 2 children that "Dancing" wasnt an appropriate career.

So bottom line a ex-stripper charged us $65 plus tip to taunt me and let my friends fix my hair...

A history of violence

2005-10-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

I went and saw "A History of Violence" last night and it has given me a new appreciation for my new boyfriend Viggo Mortensen... OMG he is sooo hot...now granted he is a ex-mob killer but still... There was some good sex scenes in the movie too...It made me feel dirty watching them.

Overall I liked the movie.

Another Dirty Job

2005-10-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

My new favorite show is Dirty Jobs...Last night's show was at a pig farm... All I can say is man, pigs can scream... The men had to carry them around and the pigs were screaming bloody murder... It was soo funny.

I am so glad that I am not a pig or a horse or any animal on a farm... They totally get violated. The male pig had to manually jacked off and then the semen was deposited into the sow with a 2 foot q-tip... yucky!

44 Things about me

2005-10-03T19:46:00.000-07:00

. Legal First name? Ericock
2. Were you named after anyone? No
3. Do you wish on stars? Yes
4. When did you last cry? 3 nights ago talking to my ex
5. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey
6. What is your birth date? May 14
7. Whats your most embarrassing CD? Backstreet Boys
8. Would you be friends with you? Probably not. I'd notice all my bad qualities and then not bother.
9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Um, yeah.
10. What are your nicknames? Er-Bear
11. Would you bungee jump? Hell No
12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Not always
13. Do you think that you are strong? Yup, but I totally am not
14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate chip
15. Shoe Size? 9 1/2
16. Red or pink? Red
17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Nose
18. Who do you miss most? My family
19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue Capris and no shoes
20. What are you listening to right now? That 70s Show
21. What did you eat for breakfast? PB&J
22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Crimson
23. What is the weather like right now? Dark and cold
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? Vajeanny
25.The first things you notice about the opposite sex? teeth
26. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Enough to be in her wedding
27. Favorite Drink? Diet 7up
28. Hair Color? Brown
29. Do you wear contacts? No, I am blessed
30. Favorite Food? Sushi
31. Last Movie You Watched? The Incredibles
32. Favorite Day Of The Year? Thanksgiving
33. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy Endings
34. Summer Or Winter? Summer all the way
35. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses
36. What Is Your Favorite Desert? Flan
37. Living Arrangements? My and my little doggie
38.. What books Are You Reading? Trace by Patricia Cornwell
39. What's On Your Mouse Pad? American Pie
40.What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Crossing Jodan
41. Favorite Smells? BBQ, Rain
42. Favorite junk food? hot tamales
43. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Neither.. ewwwww
44. What's the farthest you've been from home? Mexico, Hawaii, and China.. will be going to Costa Rico or Belize in Spring

Disaster Planning

2005-09-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Due to Katrina and Rita, my dad is has emailed me a disaster planning website to research as well as a plan for our family. It is a good idea..although on "Weekends on the DL" on COmedy Central, DL Hughley says a study shows that the safest places to live and not be subjected to natural disaster are Nevada and Wyoming. Apparently no disaster can get you in Wyoming because you will die of boredom long before any natural disaster...

check out www.72hours.org

10 things I hate about my ex

2005-09-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

1. He never put me first
2. He is too into sports
3. He couldnt give me blond haired blue eyed babies- he's black!
4. We broke up 2 months ago and he still doesnt understand why he isnt getting laid
5. We broke up 2 months ago and he still calls me
6. He still calls me babe
7. He was broke all the time
8. We never went out anywhere
9. He comes into my house without asking me
10. He has no bounderies

Gym Etiquette

2005-09-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

I go to the gym 2-4 times a week. Normally all is groovy.. I get to use the treadmill or eliptical in peace. Today I was in a steady walk/run on the treadmill with my MP3 player going.. All is happy since I only had 5 minutes to go of my 30 minutes...

This lady comes up and gets on the machine next to mine.. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her fumbling around with the buttons.. not uncommon if you have never used that machine.

All of a sudden she taps me on the arm and yells, "I am new here how do you get this started?"

me (in my brain): What the fuck, do I look like I work here?
me actually "I am sorry, I couldn't hear you over my music."

her: I am new, how do you work this?

me (in my brain): Are you new to the planet? You press quick start and go!!!!

me, actually: I just hit the buttons for her and nearly fell off my machine.

Did she say thanks, NO, what an ungrateful beeeeaaatttccchh!

Dirty Jobs

2005-09-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

There is this show on the Discovery Channel called "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Rowe. I have watched it a couple of times.. He has helped make surfboards, helped pick up trash in China Town, helped clean out the sewers in San Fran.. not too glamourous and not too dirty... The trash one was gross since it involved picking up trash, putting in a burlap sac and carrying on your back, back to the truck...

The one I saw last night was soooo disturbing... It was at a horse ranch...The vet there was responsible for getting the surragate mares pregnant. She had to give a hand job to the stallion. Mike filled up a cup of semen worth $25,000. They then went and implanted it into a prize mare. Before they could implant it, Mike had to give her (the horse)a knuckle cleaning taking special precautions not to accidently insert his digits. He then inserted a long straw in to her special place and injected her cervix with prize semen.

After a week, the vet went back in and had to manually remove any feces out of the 2 female horses, the one prize horse that was pregnant and the surragate horse..then she went into the pregnant horse and removed the fetus and implanted it into the other horse after Mike gave another knuckle wash..

It was soo gross. They were up to their shoulders inside the horses during this whole thing. Yikes.

Anal Bleaching

2005-09-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

My friends and I have a running joke about anal bleaching thanks to Craig's list... anyway, I was flipping thru the tv stations yesterday and on Dr. 90210 there was a porn star getting herself a wax and anal bleaching... There is a place in LA called Pink Cheeks that specializes in it. It was the funniest thing. She kept commenting on how soothing the bleach was.. The owner was talking about how wonderful it was to have a beautiful hind end... People are so weird.

New cell phone

2005-09-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

I need a new cell phone... any ideas for what kind I should buy?

My ex-boyfriend

2005-09-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

So I have this ex boyfriend who I dated for 5 years.. we broke up 2 months ago due to his commitment or lack of commitment issues... but that is another story...anyway, my friend claudia was up for the weekend and at my house will i was at work... she was updating her blog and all of a sudden the door to my house is opened and low and behold there is my ex boyfriend wanting to use my vcr to record music videos. where are his boundries really? He didnt tell me he was going to stop by.. but the joke is on him.. claudia was in her pajamas and he was so caught off guard that he could barely speak... how funny!

Penis ring toss

2005-09-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

So when my friends were in town for the bachelorette party we had a penis ring toss.. we I got it as a prize at the end of the night... I left it in my car and went to work with it on Monday... My coworker and I took my car for lunch.. she nearly shit her pants when she lifted the sweater that had been covering it and almost sat on it... it was sooo funny..

Weekend of Sept 11

2005-09-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

My friends and I gathered here this weekend for my friend's bacholerette party/bridal shower. It was fun we went to IHOP, model home reviewing, Walmart for pedi's and mani's, then on to Bullys for dinner where my poor little pregnant friends were repulsed by the food or smell or conversations....It was fun though. We finished the night at Brew Brothers for some music and conversating.

Dogs are funny

2005-09-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

My dog is a ghost farter... She will fart anywhere with no sounds or warning and they smell sooooo bad.